Ending - double life

A post after 2 years of unknown restlessness

Every now and then, I feel like I need to give myself a break. I am not sure from what, but the past two years of my life felt like a whirlwind. Trying to hold on one thing without losing another seems to be impossible.

After moving to Bali in 2014, I split my life in two cities. Jakarta, where my boyfriend lived and where most of my clients were. And Bali, where my office was. After one year, I knew it wasn't going to work because for every free time I had, I always used it to see my boyfriend, or to prepare myself from leaving Indonesia (financially). I was either exhausted after a week full of meetings, or struggling to get the next flight to Jakarta or Bali. Airports smell felt so familiar, yet sickening. A taste of distance, good byes, frustrations, delays, and impatience are on every corners of Soekarno Hatta and I Gusti Ngurah Rai.

While learning to keep the right amount of formality and friendship with my colleagues, I have also learned to be an expert plane, airport, and taxi sleeper. I have also injured my back and hip from carrying backpack and heavy laptops almost every week. I learned how to speak to children, since I heard my colleagues trying to put their children to bed while travelling. I have heard endless stories of taxi drivers, from being a sexual target of their passengers, to being falsely put into jail of murdering a Chinese businessman and raping his daughter. I have learnt to travel as efficient as possible, and realized that hotel pillows are the most important part of a hotel service. And I have also learned that humans can be disgusting when they see power, fame, and money.

And most importantly, I have learned that the people I work with, are the main source of happiness or sadness if I have a full time job.

Bali is not the same with Jakarta. Jakarta, is like a toxic neighbour you can not get away from. Bali is a lover, that you choose to be with, since there is no hope with the others. I chose to live with both.

The vibrant, intellectual discussions and events will only happen in Jakarta, which made me travel so often to meet the right people and make the right connections. While Bali, has the most advance form of tourism that offers the best massage, restaurants, and sunsets.

I chose to end this. I chose to end my work. And I chose to do it sooner than I should. I chose to choose my own path. And do things on my own terms. I chose to live free, at least for a couple of months.

Ambon October 18th 2016